Seinfeld-ism

Recently, in the course of my professional writing job, I received an email from the Associated Press, who like to occasionally send style guide tips or reminders. They’re typically either topical (e.g., election terminology) or seasonal–like this one I just received about Christmastime terms. When to capitalize “New Year” and what “yuletide” means, that sort of thing.

On the list, without fanfare, was the word “regifting.”

It was defined accurately–that’s the good news. (Seinfeld‘s place in our cultural bedrock, like seeing one of its coined terms make it into a dictionary, is still good news but old news. It’s good ole news.) The bad news: no attribution to Seinfeld in that definition.

Newman. There has to be such an enigma-wrapped-inside-of-a-Twinkie personality, huddling somewhere in the AP management, with control over such lists of words.

Potential readers of the book Seinfeld-ism (available on Amazon in hard copy and e-book) need not worry about any sort of unprofessionalism lurking in those pages. That brings us to the next reason why that little stocking stuffer is the perfect gift book for that loved one or friend or someone whom it pains you to be around because you wish they’d just get some help.

Help is here. Get it to them for Christmas/Festivus! And feel confident that it will be well received…

#4. No regifting necessary.

You need not worry about the writing quality of this book as a gift. Give it liberally, jovially, without fear of the receiver’s reaction, “They gave me this?”–as though it was Boggle. (Such merry-Christmas-moaning will focus on that tie rack or other knick-knack sure to come from Granny Beverly.) This…is the real babka of book writing; nothing “lesser” here. For one, it was effectively endorsed by the New York Times. I mean…the New–York–Times!

“I got a lot of problems with you people…!” Frank Costanza bellowed in the Seinfeld episode (“The Strike”) that famously introduced Festivus to the world. Now that Thanksgiving is effectively behind us…bring it on, this holiday season.

And no need to wonder as you wander into it…what to get someone who has everything…or that loved one who wants everything…or even the one who wants nothing, but you’re getting them something, dangit.

You get them a gift book, of course. Even if they already have a coffee table book about coffee tables, you get them Seinfeld-ism (on Amazon in both hard copy and e-book, of course).

The fact that this little book is a great table-topper only begins to explain why this is the perfect gift this yuletide time of year. Five reasons stand out like an urban sombrero.

Let’s begin with the reasons then, a list we’ll count down one at a time each week until Christmas/Festivus….

#5. This is positive shrinkage.

Seinfeld-ism the book is literally small, approximately 5 by 8 inches, so you can stuff it into a stocking no problem. It’s not long in terms of page count either, little more than 100 pages, so even that friend or loved one who eschews books can enjoy reading a book–from beginning to end, in that order. And although the chapters are short…they’re long on wisdom (more on that when we get to #1!).

(the ultimate update on Seinfeld-ism the book now on Amazon in paperback as well as ebook!)

Only a thin layer of gabardine–I mean, Amazon–stands between you and this decade-in-the-making little tome*, one of the best survival guides you might ever lay hands on in this life. Sure, there’s that riveting one about surviving a shark attack, home invasion, zombie apocalypse, blah blah blah, among noble others.

But who’s dropped one about surviving family, society, friendships, and all the other little annoying chores that come with navigating daily Life–by applying the very best of words from the best.sitcom.ever?

We have. Right here. And it’s guaranteed to not bunch up anyone’s underwear while considering the future of one’s legacy in the reading of it.

FYI: Should you wish to get right down to the past Seinfeld-isms posted here, this will get you there. Enjoy! And should you, truly, then don’t forget to get your hands on the material you’re missing–found only in the book. They include, among others…

“This has got international incident written all over it.”

“My rods and cones are all screwed up, Jerry!”

“Bravo, Vincent, bra-vo.”

*Note: Henningan’s no-smell, no-tell Scotch, however, is not on Amazon, nor will it come with the book as a derivative deluxe-edition gift pack sold separately. Although, we did consider it for a moment.

Seinfeld-ism the ebook is now out on Amazon for purchase! The paperback will drop soon too, so you’ll hear it here first–very soon.

May it inspire many to, like George proclaimed in his infamous, eponymously dubbed summer, “read a book. From beginning to end. In that order!”

Speaking of Mr. Art Vandelay’s “Summer of [Me],” that there is the title of one of the five sections of Seinfeld-isms–including all new material, never before published–in this brief book. (“The Do-It-Yourself Survival Guide to Self-Help,” the Summer-of-Me subtitle reads.) Five categories, including family, society, and relationships, to help keep you going through life.

And if you read it a second time, you may find new things leaping out at you–not of the material sort Jerry was busting on George about, of course, in the line at the top here. (Ah, George and his books–at one point in the series anyway, early on, to which Jerry went on, “What is this obsession people have with books? They put them in their houses–they’re like trophies. What do you need it for after you read it?”) The immaterial sort of new things, we’re talking about here. Matters of the mind and heart and soul.

(Semi-spoiler alert: new material, found only in the book, being referenced here) Some newfound strength to talk to that strident in-law, for example (“Dealing with you is like…is like a steel-cage death match!” you surmise with a big smile on your face). Or the diplomacy to tippy-toe through a relational minefield, reporting from afar (“This has got international incident written all over it”).

Snag that survival guide today, especially while Amazon for one will be doing some promotional things–you might get a deal!–with the book in the early days of its release. Amazon’s “Look Inside” (sneak peek) of the book, for example, excerpts the first page of my five-page-long introduction, which includes the story of how this book-turned-blog-turned-book came to be.

Twelve years total in the making, it was. And I promise you it’ll be far more interesting to read than the VCR owner’s manual that Kramer, lying on Jerry’s couch, was once found reading like it was a highbrow classic.

(update to the final blog post from last week, on Seinfeld-ism the book publishing this coming week!)

Yes, it’s felt like Kramer waiting out his walk-out (i.e., strike) at H&H Bagels to return to work.* The uncomfortably numb feeling of “Is this ever going to happen?” finally dissipates in the sheer excitement of…it’s happening. You’ve laid hands on that long-sought-after mother lode, and it’s spec-tac-ular. 

Today, the pre-order for the book Seinfeld-ism went live on Amazon here. The book will “go live” a week from today, on Sunday, July 19.

That pre-order link, please note, is for the ebook. Stay tuned this coming week for the Amazon link to pre-order the paperback. It should drop on Wednesday or Thursday.

You’ll read it first here!

*Interestingly, that analogy whiffed closer to home than I realized as I wrote this: Kramer’s strike lasted 12 years. It’s been 12 years since I shopped out to major book publishers the original book proposal, which was met with crickets chirping. (If you could’ve seen that incipient draft–compared to what it is now–you would’ve rejected it too.) But now…without getting into the birds singing, flowers blooming, all that crap…I can with certainty say, it was worth the wait.