“They’re the worst.”

A curt observation for categorically dismissing all of humanity, not because you’re having a bad day or even a “moment”–you just felt like doing it. Because they deserved it.

Jerry was small-talking with Elaine about nitwits who get on a plane and start talking to you because they’ve got nothing else to do. Elaine understood: “I will never understand people,” she said, articulating the word never like hers was the last word on the subject–and it was a good one. Jerry one-upped her–and it was the stuff of a Dickens novel.

Humanity is inherently good, they say, but we know that’s up for debate. Look no further than Newman (“He’s pure evil,” Jerry once said) to see why. Yet we also know that Newmans are few and far between (“He’s a mystery wrapped in a Twinkie,” Jerry also said) so that thickens the debate.

What should settle the debate is what we know from our interactions with people, which tend to leave one of two general impressions: It was the best of this personIt was the worst of that person. And in this Tale of Two Personalities we see in every person we meet, the best may be yet to come. But until then…it’s the worst.

You go to a movie theater–they’re there, loud and obnoxious. You’re driving down the road, minding all traffic regulations–they’re there, and they’re not minding. Even when they’re not there, they’re the worst. You head to the checkout lane and discover new meaning to the word checkout: the register clerk apparently did just that when she saw the line forming. You dart into an open lane–the lane light is on–but no register clerk is home.

Who are these people? “What is with these people?” People! Why? These are some of life’s most (de)pressing questions.

And now you have an answer.

From “The Face Painter”
Episode 23, Season 6
Seinfeld Volume 5, Disc 4
Timecode for the scene: 3:00

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