“Well, this has all been one big tease!”
August 30, 2011

A flabbergasted observation to make when you’re headed in a certain direction–you know where this is going–then you pass a sign that says, “This road has no outlet.”

Looking to reduce the time in his shower routine, Kramer badgered Jerry into standing in his shower and acting out what he does in his routine. When Jerry left it at that–no disrobing, no sudsing–Kramer popped the cap on his inflated expectation, deflating with this line.

Not getting what you want. It’s at the heart of both types of teasing: the taunting kind, which we deal with as children (“Quit teasing me! Mo-o-om…”) and the titillating kind, which we deal with as adults (“She’s teasing me! Ma-a-an…”). The man-child Kramer brings both together in one exclamatory statement. Jerry doesn’t shower it up, so Kramer dresses him down, the “hipster doofus” calling his good buddy the “shower doofus.”

In Kramer’s hands, note, it is a silly taunt–that’s the rub. So you didn’t get that raise? Waited for a relative who didn’t show? Offered some champagne to celebrate the big news, then your friend finds he has no bubbly in the house after all? Go ahead. Tell them what this is. Let your voice crack a little, a la Kramer, on the tease–like your voice is changing, indicating a breaking through into maturity.

And that is what you are doing with every Kramer-ian tease: showing some maturity. We can’t always get what we want. That’s just life. So rather than get upset, get a little silly.

A little immaturity, in other words–in this case–is actually the mature thing to do.

From “The Apology”
Episode 9, Season 9
Seinfeld Disc 2, Volume 8
Timecode for the scene: 5:45

“He’s bebopping and scatting…!”
January 17, 2011

A music-critic kind of observation for a subtle bit of conversation: playing down someone who just played you (e.g., mocking your head as “rather bulbous”).

George bumped into an old acquaintance who had once made fun of him. Learning that the recovering alcoholic was now apologizing to people he’d hurt, George waited for his like a man who knows that Publisher’s Clearing House is headed to his house. When George’s “jackpot” turned “crackpot”–making even more fun of George–George got a little riled up. (And this was him giving Jerry the lowdown.)

So someone called you a name. Call them out with this line–loudly, hitting those syllables like you’re banging drums. The allusion to jazz music will have you saying several possible things about that jokester’s punchline–one of which is, no one gets it. And you don’t have to be a conversational “musician” to know a well-played number when you hear it, so if there is something to get in what they said, then you’re saying this about their “jazz”: it ain’t all that.

From “The Apology”
Episode 9, Season 9
Seinfeld Volume 8, Disc 2
Timecode for the scene: 12:30, 22:20

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